I think I can… I think I can

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Getting caught up in obstacles can be very difficult to overcome.  Especially if you’ve been in a place that seems to be walls rather than just a closed door.  I’ve been there for a little while now, seeing every obstacle as a brick wall.  I’ve been doing some serious self evaluation lately.  Looking for the things that are good about me and seeking to find solutions to the things I want to change.  One of the things I want to change is my ability to not see the forest despite the trees.  The seemingly unending stop I experience at every turn.  In most cases I have found after a bout of depression and a little time that the solution was a lot easier than I could have hoped. 

Case in point… I have spent the better part of three years in a job that reduced me often to a puddle of tears.  It tore down my confidence and made me doubt myself and my ability.  It failed to recognize my contribution and many of my managers treated me like I had no clue.  I have actively sought other employment but the market is saturated with folks that do what I do so it’s difficult to get the interview when 1 open requisition gets 50 applicants.  You have to hope you’re one of the first 10.  I was finally reassigned onsite to a position that was abruptly made available due to some high politics and unfortunate events.  Luckily the gentleman I replaced has moved on to some bigger and better things.  I find myself looking back at the time I have spent in a pool of self pity and realized that even though I couldn’t see there were other many wonderful things happening around me and for me. 

So I look at that most recent example and evaluate all the other times I’ve felt helpless and hopeless… each of these times I see now how they turned out better than I could hope.  With this realization I will look no longer at the obstacle…  I’m going to find my way around it…  Seek to be mindful of the possibilities and shift my very own reality…  No longer will I cry for people who do not love me, for a job that does not respect me, or for a path I was not intending to take.  I will stop… remember… and create my own happiness.  After all, the truth is I’m the only one who can.