Who am I??

I am a Woman

I am a Mother

I am a Daughter

I am a Sister

I am an Aunt

I am a Grand-Daughter

I am a Niece

I am a Cousin

I am a Student

I am a Hard Worker

I am a Friend

I am a Girl Friend

I am a Home Maker

I am Silly

I am a Therapist

I am a Healer

I am a Force

I am Soft

I am Hard

I am Emotional

I am a Dreamer

I am Scared

I am Confident

I am Passionate

I am Sexy

I am Crafty

I am a Geek

I am Logical

I am Happy

I am Sad

I am ME

What are you?

Wondering Mind... Little things

I wonder through my day my mind never really landing on one consistent thought for very long at all.  I have a lot of things I’d love to share with the blogging community.  If only to be able to revisit these thoughts at different points in my life.  As I grow as a human and make connections base on new observations it’s easy to get caught up in the “little things”.  (The direction I was going JUST changed)

Why is it a double standard when it comes to the little things?  We say all to often that it is the little things that count.  They add up and equal the big things so we need to take the good things and consider them and yet we are also told not to get caught up in them.  Don’t sweat the small stuff and so on and so forth.  To me it seems futile because a collection of little bad things will also equal one big thing.  We have to apply it to both sides of the coin. One or two pennies don’t weigh much but add 1000 to a pile and its pretty heavy indeed. 

I really think it’s more of a balancing act.  Which side tips the scale?  If I collect 100 good things and 100 bad things they balance each other out.  The trick then is to recognize and collect the good things and let the bad ones slip through the cracks.  (Change Channels)

I would really love to have a humorous blog.  I have come across some pretty funny and creative people out there and I would love to brighten someone’s day as mine has been brightened by so many others.  But for the moment what seems to come out are just a bunch of boring contemplations. 

Blah blah blah… Funny will come when it’s time.  I might be able to get back there when all this boring stuff is dumped… 

(see… I’m already thinking of other things…. Learning to focus is my next task)

I think I can… I think I can

Created on wordle.net

Getting caught up in obstacles can be very difficult to overcome.  Especially if you’ve been in a place that seems to be walls rather than just a closed door.  I’ve been there for a little while now, seeing every obstacle as a brick wall.  I’ve been doing some serious self evaluation lately.  Looking for the things that are good about me and seeking to find solutions to the things I want to change.  One of the things I want to change is my ability to not see the forest despite the trees.  The seemingly unending stop I experience at every turn.  In most cases I have found after a bout of depression and a little time that the solution was a lot easier than I could have hoped. 

Case in point… I have spent the better part of three years in a job that reduced me often to a puddle of tears.  It tore down my confidence and made me doubt myself and my ability.  It failed to recognize my contribution and many of my managers treated me like I had no clue.  I have actively sought other employment but the market is saturated with folks that do what I do so it’s difficult to get the interview when 1 open requisition gets 50 applicants.  You have to hope you’re one of the first 10.  I was finally reassigned onsite to a position that was abruptly made available due to some high politics and unfortunate events.  Luckily the gentleman I replaced has moved on to some bigger and better things.  I find myself looking back at the time I have spent in a pool of self pity and realized that even though I couldn’t see there were other many wonderful things happening around me and for me. 

So I look at that most recent example and evaluate all the other times I’ve felt helpless and hopeless… each of these times I see now how they turned out better than I could hope.  With this realization I will look no longer at the obstacle…  I’m going to find my way around it…  Seek to be mindful of the possibilities and shift my very own reality…  No longer will I cry for people who do not love me, for a job that does not respect me, or for a path I was not intending to take.  I will stop… remember… and create my own happiness.  After all, the truth is I’m the only one who can. 

Reason, Season, Lifetime….

We have all heard the poem or some variant of it… you know the one… people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.  Here it is just in case:

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

 Interestingly enough this blog post was set out to be something totally different.  I had intended on relaying the hurt I feel based on some of the people I have recently stopped associating myself with.  Many of whom I have called friend for quite some time.  After re-reading the poem above I have an entirely new outlook on the situations…  I guess I took for granted that these individuals were Lifetimers… never considering that in fact they were reasons or seasons.  I am grateful for knowing them… Some taught me lessons that I wish I didn’t have to learn but glad I did never the less… some taught me beautiful things.  A couple taught me that I deserve more and one taught me that it’s not all about me.  So I thank them for the lessons, the wonderful memories and even the pain…   I remain appreciative for the lifetimers…. All the lessons have made me a better person, a better friend and a happier individual…

Although on occasion I lament the absence of some I continue to look forward to new beginnings… always anticipating the new reason, the new season and the new lifetime…. 

Gratitude

I recently read the blog of a friend which touched me. She expressed her gratitude through all of life’s ups and downs and it really made me think. I have been caught up in a world of self pity and it’s been a struggle to get out. I have been focused on all of the things I perceive as bad and wondering when something good will happen. I recognize that I am on my pity pot. I try and try to get out... forever telling myself that it could be worse, it has been worse and there are many good things happening. But it wasn’t until reading my friends post did all of the good become recognizable. I actually feel better. So a great big THANK YOU to Ottermonkey for her thought provoking words. Eloquently written and worth the read find it here: http://ottermonkey3.wordpress.com/.



So with this new found inspiration I am going to wake tomorrow with GRATITUDE.  I will be thankful for each breath, each moment I share with those I love, being employed in a troublesome time…  I will also be thankful for all of the hard lessons I have learned… and for all the wonderful memories that swim in my mind. 



My new mission: to wake with gratitude every day…. So when life hits me with a new challenge my strength will be reserved and ready!



Thank you Ottermonkey!  I really needed that.



Darth Gigi